Talk:Casualties of the September 11 attacks
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Minor: Missing and redundant words + suggestions for improving "Survivors" section
Error first, then suggestions:
(1) (Typo) In the "Survivors" section, missing word in first sentence: "... at least one survivor ... reportedly fell 15 floors and later rescued" -- should be.. "and *was* later rescued".
(2) (Redundancies) That same sentence starts with "There is one report of", then "and reportedly fell", which seems slightly awkward/redundant. Also, the sentence starting with "Some were able to rescue themselves"" uses "rubble" three times. Reword?
(3) (Word tense) Sentence that begins, "As of September 28, 2008...", and one that begins, "Talk show host Jon Stewart..." use current or mixed tense (e.g., "have been", "extends", "adds"), as do others in this section. Suggest minor review/rewrite to improve; perhaps also shorten lengthy statements for understandability.
(4) (Wording/punctuation) "Stewart's advocacy on the issue continued into 2019, in June 2019 he testified in front of Congress..." -- suggest either changing comma to semicolon, or (better) reword to "Stewart's advocacy on the issue continued through June 2019, when he testified before Congress..."
(5) Section headers don't seem quite right... first two subsections were events that occurred immediately within hours and days of the attack, and advocacy has occurred as a result of all of it. Seems like "advocacy" should be a level-three header vs. level-four. Maybe three equal subsections: "Before collapses", "After collapses" and "Survivor advocacy"?
(6) Under "Survivor advocacy", the sentence begins, "As of September 28, 2008...". Can this information / paragraph be made current with data as of 2019?
(7) Sentence that begins, "Talk show host Jon Stewart...": Stewart is not really a talk show host (maybe "former television host"), and is better known as a comedian, writer, political satirist, and advocate. Suggest updating the descriptor for accuracy.
(8) Stewart's quote, "Sick and dying, they [first responders] brought themselves down here to speak to no one": An important context for Stewart's statement was that some committee members were absent that day, and seats were empty. For that reason, he came to a full stop after he said, "down here to speak", and before he said, "to no one". Stewart went to add that it was "Shameful. It's an embarrassment to the country, and it is a stain on this institution. And you should be ashamed of yourselves (for those that aren't here), but you won't be, because accountability doesn't appear to be anything that occurs in this chamber." Bigger picture, the DoJ had reported in Feb 2019 that the fund was running out of money, and families might not get fully reimbursed on their claims. So Stewart (and the bill) wanted to secure funding for decades, rather than subjecting families to further financial hardships and continued lobbying.
SUGGESTION: Not suggesting Stewart's entire quote be added, but please put the existing quotation in context. His frustration was based on first responders and families having to repeatedly attend hearings to secure funding and compensation for their service and sacrifices---Stewart viewed the empty seats as disrespect. Minimally, add punctuation to the quote so it is not misinterpreted.
For quick reference if it's useful:
P.S. FWIW, the "Never Forget the Heroes" Act became Public Law Number 116-34 on July 29, 2019, and extends the Victim Compensation Fund through 2090.